2 weeks ago I was worried that getting into the DBT program might be a draw back.
Yesterday I sat here crying because I was too anxious to call, then finally sucked it up and called and left a voicemail. She called me back within hours. I have an appointment today at 11 so we can talk about the program, and there are admissions next week, but….
I won’t be in town next week and somehow I have already made her out to be a horrible bitchy woman even though she was nothing but nice to me. They have to have encountered this at some point or another.
Today I’m going to cry whether I get into the DBT program or not. Either way feels like a tragedy to me. On the one hand, I honestly feel this will help me, but on the other hand - do I really want to go to therapy twice a week, every week, for a year? Do I get no vacations? No ‘hey I’m going away for 3 weeks be back then’ ?
I’m so anxious I might actually explode. I’m shaking. I can’t sleep. My anxious brain has decided I don’t want anyone to help me. Far from the truth, but I’ve never made a commitment as big as DBT before. It’s not like when I started dating the boy I signed a multiple year contract.
God I am just so anxious. J will be leaving for work in 15 or so minutes and I will ask him to get me a glass of water so I can take klonopin and hopefully at least brethe normally again.
I’m scared, but I’m hopeful… all at once. It’s a very strange feeling.
